Respect for the opposing side
speaks volumes
By Joe Fitzgerald
Boston Herald Columnist
Wednesday, January 24, 2007 -
Updated: 12:55 AM EST
It was a passing
moment, nothing more, but in light of all we’ve been reading
about taunting the vanquished and begrudging the victors, it’s
worth a mention this morning.
Football passions notwithstanding, few contests stir more
visceral emotions than the battle over gay marriage, pitting
those who regard restrictions as repression against those who
feel their values are being trashed.
The last Constitutional Convention had just ended with
proponents of a ballot question having prevailed. For gay
marriage advocates like Sen. Jarrett Barrios, 38, it had not
been a satisfying day.
“So I leave the House chamber and I’m walking back to my
office,” the openly gay Cambridge Democrat recalled. “I pass the
speaker’s office and take a left, headed for the Senate wing. If
you know the third floor of the State House, you know it can be
a confusing place.
“I came across this couple who had these looks we often see,
hopelessly lost. I asked if I could help and the man said,
‘Yeah, we’re looking for the House clerk’s office.’ So I’m
telling them how ‘you have to go up here, down there, then
across,’ joking how ‘you can’t get there from here.’ Then I
introduced myself.”
That’s when the frivolity vanished.
The couple, who had been there to protest gay marriage,
immediately recognized his name, since Barrios is very much a
symbol of the movement, having a “spouse” named Doug.
“The gentleman introduced himself,” Barrios said, “then pointed
to his wife and added, ‘I’m her legitimate husband.’ To tell you
the truth, I kind of missed his dig because it was the end of a
very long day.”
The next morning, however, Barrios had an e-mail waiting for him
when he arrived at his office, sent by the “legitimate” husband
he’d befriended the day before.
“I’m the guy you met with my wife yesterday, just after 5,” it
began. “I am writing to apologize for saying a silly thing at a
time when my political faction had just enjoyed a victory. As
soon as you mentioned your own marriage I saw with what grace
you ignored my offensive tone and carried the conversation along
politely.
“Although in the present political climate we find ourselves
opponents, I just want to thank you for being nice and hope you
won’t paint our side with a broad brush on the basis of what I
shoved in your face yesterday.”
Barrios read it a second time, then fired off a reply.
“Your e-mail comes as a surprise, but a welcome one,” he wrote.
“I am not the least bit politically correct, so I didn’t even
catch what you said as a barb. It’s funny how the most
significant human contact I had, running around trying to do the
opposite of your side, was with you and your wife. How classy it
was that you sent this e-mail.”
That was three weeks ago, and Barrios is still sharing the
story, finding it relevant to the hostility inherent in so many
issues today.
“I’ve been thinking about it ever since,” he said. “Here we had
two people working very hard against one another, people who
care a lot about their world and the direction in which it’s
going. We disagree on that direction, yet were still able to
recognize what we have in common, which is our humanity.
“He wasn’t a lousy winner. In the flush of victory he said
something he later regretted, then went out of his way to
express that to me. How big of him. He didn’t have to do that.
“Sometimes, in the middle of all our debating, I wonder how we
can get to a more civil place. Without being hokey, I think this
is how we do it.”
last updated
26-Jan-2007 11:39 AM
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